To All of the Not-Fun Friends

I’ve been pondering how to write this without sounding like I’m fishing for validation. I’m really not! This post is actually an artifact of acceptance. It’s meant to encourage others who, like me, have found themselves wishing away their purpose.


To all the not-fun friends,

We know who we are, even if we don’t always like it. We are the ones who perceive what is not seen and hear what’s not said. The ones who would rather bypass small talk and cut straight to the heart. The ones who often feel like we don’t quite fit.

To all the not-fun friends, We know who we are, even if we don’t always like it. We are the ones who perceive what is not seen and hear what’s not said. The ones who would rather bypass small talk and cut straight to the heart. The ones who often feel like we don’t quite fit, but we have a special place in this world.

We have a special place in this world.

No, it may not be on the smiling galleries of Facebook and Instagram. It may not be on the invitation list for elite social gatherings. Or it may be. We can find ourselves in many places, busy with many activities, surrounded by many friends. Yet “fun” would be way down the list of words our friends would use to describe us. Instead we’re often described as:

steady
dependable
authentic
caring
wise
reasonable
sincere
intense

For a long time I fought against this truth and tried to be something I’m not. But here it is…

I’m not a fun friend.

Oh, I have plenty of fun!  I love to go with friends to festivals, fairs, concerts, parks, and other events. But there’s no inherent fun in this girl. I’ll never bring the party with me…and I’m finally okay with that.

A not-fun friend isn’t necessarily boring. It just means that we’re more likely to be reflective than lighthearted. We have a great sense of humor, but we’re not usually the ones telling the jokes. We’re the ones laughing, not causing the laughter.

When people classify friends, we can often feel like nobody’s best, but everyone’s great.

Yes, we not-fun friends have a special place in this world. God has uniquely gifted us to be helpers, ministers, and encouragers. We enjoy the mountaintops, but we shine in the valleys. We see friendship as ministry.

We enjoy the mountaintops, but we shine in the valleys. Click To Tweet

I encourage you not to run from this truth, but to embrace it! Don’t wish away your purpose. There are plenty of people to laugh with; our friends also need someone to cry with. Someone to encourage them through their doubts. Someone to reassure them through their fears.

To all the not-fun friends, We know who we are, even if we don’t always like it. We are the ones who perceive what is not seen and hear what’s not said. The ones who would rather bypass small talk and cut straight to the heart. The ones who often feel like we don’t quite fit. We have a special place in this world.

We are the sharpeners spoken of in Proverbs 27. We are the encouragers from 1st Thessalonians 5. We are the ones who help our friends up in Ecclesiastes 4 and the ones who spur them on in Hebrews 10.

Fun friends can also be all of the things above! We need fun friends, too. We love our fun friends. We’re different than you, though, and we need to know that’s okay.

So, to all the friends who have identified with this post, you are needed in this world. Your particular brand of friendship is necessary and important. God knew what he was doing when he made you. You are not less than. He didn’t accidentally leave out the parts that would have made you more charismatic, sociable, or witty. He created your personality, partnered it with your gifts, and sovereignly placed you in this time and place in history for his kingdom’s purposes.

To all the not-fun friends, We know who we are, even if we don’t always like it. We are the ones who perceive what is not seen and hear what’s not said. The ones who would rather bypass small talk and cut straight to the heart. The ones who often feel like we don’t quite fit, but we have a special place in this world.

That is awesome, my friend!! Even if no one would call us fun.

With love,
Beka

17 thoughts on “To All of the Not-Fun Friends

  1. I can so relate! I wonder why I’m not more naturally “fun” and lighthearted, but I agree with what you’re saying here: that I need to accept this and know that’s how I’ve been created, and that it’s for it’s own unique purposes! Thanks for sharing!

    1. Me too. I’ve felt insecure, left out, and less than about it far too often. And it takes way too much energy and effort to fake being someone else!! Only recently have I gotten some peace and acceptance around this and I’m amazed how God has already used it.

  2. WOW Beka! This may be your best one yet! … Well, there are too many good ones to choose from, but this is a great post!
    You are so right! We NEED those friends. My very best friend in the world is a “mourn with those who mourn” friend, and I so desperately need her! I can’t imagine walking the road of my life without her. When others try to pull me out of my sadness, she gets down in it with me. That is so valuable! And then, she offers me a hand and we climb out together! This is a precious gift and I hope I never ever take it for granted!
    I am certainly thankful for you too. You are right to embrace who God made you to be, because He made you to be something marvelous! You are a true encourager and someone who inspires. What a high calling! Thanks for another top-notch post!

    1. YOU are a true encourager, too! I’m so grateful for you. You need to make sure your best friend sees all the beautiful things you wrote about her! I’ve spent much of my life insecure about what I bring to friendships; God’s finally helping me make peace with it. I’m amazed at the response to this post so far. I had no idea there were so many others that felt the same way or, like you, could easily identify a friend like this.

        1. You know, as I was reading your post, and then since I’ve been chewing on it more, I’ve been thinking that I totally used to be the “fun” friend. I think my high-school and college friends would still identify me that way. And when I’m with them I just right back into that role. But, as I age I think I’m becoming much more the friend you described here, and my “fun-ness” is waning. Frankly, I enjoy being this new kind of friend a lot more! As someone who has been both the fun friend and the not-fun friend, be glad you’re who you are! It’s the better of the two!

  3. I can relate to this! I’m definitely not one of the fun friends and I do get down about that fact a bit. But God gave me other qualities. Just got to use them for His glory! Thanks for sharing!

  4. This is so great! I have certainly related to this many times in the past. Accepting ourselves in a huge part of learning to love ourselves and that is a huge step towards growth!

  5. Thank you for writing this! I have recently been feeling left out for not being the fun or super talkative person. This has really helped me to remember that I am who God made me and there are so many wonderful things about being this way too!

  6. Came here to your website through your Twitter Beka. So very relatable and such encouraging words. I probably take life much too seriously and am very reflective. And as I reflect on the words in your last infographic and I can think is “wow, I am special”. 🙂

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