Struggling to Commit: Confessions of a Commitment-Phobic Christ-Follower

Have you ever noticed the beautiful ending of John 13:1?

Now before the Feast of the Passover, when Jesus knew that his hour had come to depart out of this world to the Father, having loved his own who were in the world, he loved them to the end.

Jesus loved the twelve disciples to the end. That phrase stuck in my heart and made me pause and ponder.

To the end.

How often do I do anything well to the end?

How often do I do anything well to the end? Not often. In fact, I realize that I'm afraid to fully commit to God.

Honestly, not often! I hate transition periods. I can’t stand to linger in goodbyes. When I’ve changed jobs, I’ve dreaded the time between telling people I’m leaving and the day when I actually leave. I hurry to get through; I rush to the end.

I’ve realized this is a symptom of a greater tendency. I’m an habitual quitter and a commitment-phobe.

I’m afraid to fully commit to God.

I don’t mean for salvation. I have fully believed and repented unto salvation, without any wavering doubt. (If you’re not confident of this, you can be!)

But I hesitate to fully commit to his plan for my life.

Why?

Well, there are a few reasons that all boil down to this one: FEAR. I fall victim to this more than I’d like to admit. Fear stops me from fully pursuing God’s big call on my life. It even stops me from following smaller day-to-day directions of the Holy Spirit.

  • I’m afraid I’m not good enough; I’m inadequate. If I try, I will fail.
  • And of course, I don’t like to fail, so I’m afraid of that.
  • I’m afraid of what it will cost me or my family. Not financially, but of memories and margin.
  • I’m afraid there’s not enough for me. Enough time, or energy, or ideas, or space. I’m always afraid of running out of something.
  • And…I’m afraid of success. What if I do succeed? What then?

Yes, I’m aware that I’m a bit whiny with God. I’m humbled that He puts up with me and chooses to use me in spite of myself.

Don’t Decide. Commit…

Decide and commit mean roughly the same thing, but have different connotations.

Take this sentence for example:

I decided it was time to commit.

See what I mean? Decide is something you do once. It may take a little time, but once you’ve done it, it’s over. In punctuation, it’s a period. Commit keeps on going. It takes ongoing time, effort, and sacrifice. In punctuation, it would be the ellipsis…indicating that there’s more to come.

No disrespect meant to the beautiful hymn, but I don’t want to merely decide to follow Jesus. I want to commit to follow Him.

I want to be a woman who follows through. I want to be a person who commits to finish the work God has given me, not just one who decides to start. I want to be a disciple God can count on.

I will be a disciple God can count on. Click To Tweet

One he can trust to work to the end.


What about you? Have you fully committed to God or are you slightly commitment-phobic like me?

21 thoughts on “Struggling to Commit: Confessions of a Commitment-Phobic Christ-Follower

  1. Yes! I definitely have a fear of commitment! What if a better opportunity comes along? I also really don’t like backing out of a commitment so that’s one reason why I’m hesitant from the start. I can relate to your dislike of goodbyes as well!

  2. Fear can play such a huge role in keeping us paralyzed or “on the fence.” And the enemy uses that weapon so well. But our God is greater! I like how you drew attention to the ongoing work of commitment. 🙂
    Jen @ Being Confident of This

    1. Thank you! Yes fear is definitely a powerful weapon of the enemy and it can slow our pace towards God’s plans for us. “But our God is greater!” <--Love that!

  3. I am so glad to see that you are transparent and willing to admit this. So many people are ashamed to admit their struggle with commitment or even worse, they don’t realize it. But by you being fully honest about this, there will be a great work done in your and your ministry!!

  4. I almost didn’t marry God’s man for me because I was afraid to commit (divorce child)…God is about the only One I’m NOT afraid to commit to, and that’s because He’s perfect 😂 This post was so refreshing in its honesty, thank you 💕

    1. You’re right about His perfection! I think that’s part of my issue, actually! I know He’s not gonna give into my will…

  5. Wow, did this post ever resonate with me. We’ve got similar personalities. I’ve been praying for God to make me faithful to the end for many years. It has been very interesting the way he’s gone about answering that prayer! Thank you for your words.

    1. You’re welcome! Thank YOU for yours! I love how God works in my messy honesty- He always sends people to say “Me too.”

  6. I go through that, and continue to! Fear is put in us through the enemy, and I think we all have distorted views of God, we think he is a sadist who wants to ruin our lives. So far, I’ve found him to be patient, and kind.

    1. Ha! God is a sadist. Yes, that’s definitely a distorted view, but one I believed in my past and it impacts my future still. He is patient and kind and altogether good. But he’s also just and holy and full of wrath towards evil. I think our human minds can’t handle that kind of paradox and it gets us all mixed up.

  7. Oh this is definitely something God is working on with me; I’m so convicted by your post. I was listening to Beth Moore one day and she described it as a fear of loss and that resonated with me, too. If I go all-in, what will I miss? If x,y,z has comforted me all these years, and I let it go, what will be the replacement? My head knows that the Holy Spirit is my only true comforter, but it’s taking a little longer for my heart to commit to that truth. Getting closer, though! Thanks for sharing your heart in this post.

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