“Sit down in your seat!” I yelled at my wide-eyed son. I was holding him in his car seat, wrestling to snap the buckles as he fought against me. This was not just a stern tone of voice, it was borderline shrieking.
My voice rarely sounds like that and he cooperated immediately. As soon as the words came out, I teared up. “I’m sorry, buddy,” I said. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you. I’m going to try really hard not to do that again.” I cried in the front seat and prayed before starting the car.
This wasn’t like me. I have many struggles, but losing my temper isn’t usually one of them.
Out of Balance
I snapped because I’d lost my joy. Without joy, my patience and self-control were severely lacking. I needed to make some adjustments to bring myself back into balance and honor God. This is my reflection on the changes I want to work towards.
Less analysis, more action
Less worrying, more trusting
Less passive, more proactive
Less texting, more praying
Less overwhelm, more confidence
Less doubt, more faith
Less phone, more conversation
Less social media, more quiet in my soul
Less hurry, more pause
Less expectation, more spontaneity
Less caution, more abandon
Less self-sufficient, more Jesus-dependent
A Day Changed
Yes, the day got better from there. Sweet Noah apologized, too, and didn’t fight against his car seat the rest of the day. (I guess that’s the silver lining!) My reaction to normal four-year-old defiance was the red flag I needed to stop and reflect.
Have you had a shrieking moment lately? When we get to that point, it’s a sign of unease within our soul. It doesn’t mean that we’re bad moms, or bad wives, or bad coworkers. It does signal that something needs to change in our lives. Run to God in that moment and let him help you figure it out.
How are things going your way? What less/more statement would you add?